First in my heart, First on my mind
by Alvera
Summary: When Holly's daughter is brought into resus after collapsing, the team fight to save her, but can they? BM


1 First in my heart, First on my mind  
  
By Freddie  
  
"Now Cass, you be good for Jackie and mummy will be back tonight." Holly said to Cass, her four-year-old daughter.  
  
"But mummy I don't feel well" Cass replied feebly.  
  
"I know," 'I've been up all night looking after you' Holly thought "but Mummy has to go to work." Holly turned to Jackie, the childminder "Now she has an appointment with the GP this afternoon"  
  
"I know, I booked it for you yesterday, and I have to phone you to tell you how it goes." Jackie said.  
  
"Yes. But my phone."  
  
".will be switched off because you can't use them at work so I have to leave a message, you've told me"  
  
"I know, it's just she's never been this ill" Holly said, she was really worried about Cass.  
  
"It's okay, I'll look after her, you'd better get to work or you'll be late" Holly looked at her watch.  
  
"Yeah, Mummy will be home tonight, Jackie will look after you until Mummy gets back," Holly said giving Cass a hug and a kiss and then turning to Jackie said "Now remember."  
  
"I know" Jackie interrupted "We've been through this a thousand times, now you'd better go or you'll be late"  
  
   
  
No one at work knew about Cass, not because Holly didn't want them to know but more because every time she tried to tell them something happened. Everyone noticed that Holly was preoccupied today and Max asked her about it "Are you okay Holly?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine but I'm worried about." Holly started but before she could finish Chloe came up and interrupted "Max, you're needed in resus" 'Oh what a surprise' thought Holly.  
  
Meanwhile in the ambulance the radio squeaked to life "3028, are you receiving"  
  
"3028 receiving" Penny replied  
  
"8b Greenthwaite road, 4 year old unconscious."  
  
"On our way," Penny replied then called to Mel "Come on, no rest for the wicked"  
  
"Where are we heading?" Mel asked jumping in the ambulance  
  
"8b Greenthwaite road, unconscious 4 year old"  
  
"8b Greenthwaite road? Isn't that Holly's house"  
  
"Why would an unconscious 4 year old be at Holly's house?" Penny replied sensibly. When they arrived they found out that the Childs condition had deteriorated.  
  
"What's her name?" Mel asked the lady who was with the child.  
  
"Cass, Cass Miles" The lady replied, Penny and Mel exchanged glances.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Jackie, I'm her childminder."  
  
In the ambulance Cass regained consciousness  
  
"Mummy?" Cass asked  
  
"It's okay Cass, you're on your way to the hospital and when you're there I'll call Mummy" Jackie replied squeezing her hand  
  
"But I want Mummy"  
  
"You'll see mummy soon, I promise" Jackie replied. When they arrived at the hospital Jackie went to phone Holly, as all she knew was that Holly was a doctor, she didn't know where she worked. As Jackie walked into reception to ask someone where the phones were Holly walked out of a cubicle, straight into Jackie.  
  
"Jackie, What are you."Holly started "Oh no, where is she?" Jackie didn't say anything, just pointed to the cubicle where they had taken Cass. As she arrived outside it she heard Cass's voice saying  
  
"But I want my mummy"  
  
"Jackie's gone to phone your mummy" That was Patrick. Holly drew back the curtain and walked in.  
  
"It's okay Cass, I'm here" Holly said  
  
"Mummy" Cass exclaimed as Holly hugged her. Holly turned to Patrick "Is she going to be okay?" But Patrick didn't hear, his head was spinning, Holly had a daughter? Well that explains why in a way he started arguing with Cass, it must be hereditary, arguing with Patrick. Holly repeated her question "Is she going to be okay?"  
  
"Um well until we establish exactly what is wrong with her, its hard to say"  
  
"When will that be?" Holly asked, though in her heart she knew the answer  
  
"As soon as we get the test results back," Patrick replied "um I'll leave you in peace" As he walked out he met Chloe in the corridor  
  
"You look like you've just seen a ghost," She said laughing but when Patrick turned to her he looked deadly serious  
  
"Did you know Holly has a daughter?" he asked in a quiet voice  
  
"You're joking right?" Chloe said laughing uncertainly  
  
"No, you know that girl Penny and Mel brought in?"  
  
"Uh-uh"  
  
"That's Holly's daughter"  
  
"You cannot be serious"  
  
"Oh I am, I'm deadly serious"  
  
"But why didn't she tell us before?" Chloe asked. Patrick shrugged. At that moment Penny and Mel came round the corner and Mel not noticing Patrick said "Hey Chloe guess what?"  
  
"If it's anything to do with Cass, we probably know" Patrick said making Mel and Penny jump.  
  
"What do you know about Cass?" Penny asked curiously  
  
"She's Holly's daughter" Patrick said calmly. Penny's mouth literally fell open.  
  
"You haven't become a goldfish overnight have you Penny?" Josh asked walking past and laughing.  
  
"You wouldn't be saying that if you had heard what we have," Chloe said deciding she needed a comeback in the conversation.  
  
"What have you heard?" Josh asked, not really caring that much.  
  
"Well you know that patient that Penny brought in?" Chloe said  
  
"and Mel" Mel interrupted before Josh could reply  
  
"And Mel" Chloe added.  
  
"Yeah" Josh replied to Chloe's original question.  
  
"Well."Chloe started  
  
"Hang on," Patrick interrupted lowering his voice and motioning to Cass's cubicle "she can almost certainly hear every word we're saying" Inside the cubicle Holly laughed inside. She had wondered how long it would take for someone to realise that she could hear them. She heard their voices die away as they took their gossiping somewhere else.  
  
"Anyway as I was saying." Chloe continued. By lunchtime all of A&E knew about Holly's daughter and it was what most people at lunch were talking about.  
  
"Hey have you heard?" Duffy asked sitting down with Julie, Jasmine and Sandy from Keller and Darwin.  
  
"Probably not" Jasmine said suddenly very interested, along with Julie she was one of the worst (or Best, depending on how you look at it) gossips in the hospital.  
  
"Well, Holly's got a daughter" Duffy said. Jasmine's mouth fell open as did Sandy's but Julie didn't look shocked at all, just confused.  
  
"How do you know?" Julie asked  
  
"Well she's been brought into A&E, she collapsed."  
  
"Oh poor Holly" Julie knew how worried Holly must be as she had just been through that with Rosie. Julie got up and said to Jasmine "I'm going to go and see her."  
  
"But Jules your lun." Jasmine started but she had already gone. She looked at Julie's lunch and asked Sandy and Duffy "Shall we divvy it up"  
  
Meanwhile in the cubicle Cass was sleeping safe in the knowledge that Mummy was watching over her. Julie walked in and Holly looked up at her.  
  
"I'm so scared Jules" Holly said with tears in her eyes.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Julie asked  
  
"That's the worst part, they haven't found out yet"  
  
"Oh Holly"  
  
"She's everything to me"  
  
"You'll have to contact the father you know"  
  
"I wish I could. James, the father, died two years ago. He was killed in a car crash, he was driving to Holby." Holly said, more tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
"Oh Holly"  
  
"He had a ring with him, he was going to propose to me when he got back"  
  
"Oh Holly, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise"  
  
"Mummy?" Cass' voice came drifting up through Holly's tears  
  
"It's okay Cass I'm here. So is Julie, Rosie's mum."  
  
"Is Rosie here?" Cass asked weakly  
  
"No," Julie replied "but if you're lucky I'll bring her later" Cass smiled.  
  
"I love you mummy," she said but she was getting weaker.  
  
"I love you too sweetie" Holly said hugging Cass. In her arms she felt Cass suddenly weaken. Holly panicked and Julie ran to find someone. Julie came back with Max who rushed Cass into resusc, but it was a lost cause. She was already too weak to save. Max was going to tell Holly but Patrick said that he'd known Holly longer, it would sound better coming from him. Max just nodded, he wasn't sure that he could face telling Holly that her daughter had died.  
  
As Julie walked back up to Darwin ward she didn't look up. Her eyes were tearful. Holly had been devastated, but then so would she be if anything happened to Rosie.  
  
"Jules?" Jasmine asked, as Julie walked onto the ward, "What's wrong?" Julie looked Jasmine in the eye and asked, "How do you tell a four year old that her best friend is dead?"  
  
   
  
Holly sat bolt upright. She steadied her breathing and looked around. It was early morning but that didn't stop the traffic zooming past her cramped Council flat in London, which she shared with her boyfriend James, and their 2-year-old daughter Cass. She heard James ask in a tired voice, "Holly, sweetheart, are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, just a nightmare" She replied  
  
"I thought that Cass was the one who was supposed to get nightmares" Holly smiled and lay back down.  
  
"But it was so weird, I was living in Holby, you had died, and there was only one person who I recognised at the hospital. But the weirdest thing was that, I knew their names, I've never met them in my life, but I knew their names"  
  
"Who did you recognise?" James asked  
  
"Do you remember that S.H.O., Patrick Spiller" James shook his head, "You remember" Holly continued "The one who called you a dithering so-and-so"  
  
"Oh, Him" James remembered.  
  
"He was there."  
  
"Look, Holly, I'm very much alive and well. Cass is very much alive and well."  
  
"Yeah, you're probably right, I'm just worried about the interview tomorrow"  
  
"I thought I was supposed to be worried about that, I'm the one going"  
  
"Yeah, you're right"  
  
"You can't worry about the whole world Holly, some you win, some you lose. But this, I am definitely going to win"  
  
"Yeah, you're right, I know you are."  
  
"Come on, we need to get to sleep. You're on shift early and I've got to leave early for Holby."  
  
"Yeah" As he drifted off to sleep James' gaze fell upon the rings next to his bed and he smiled and he thought, 'when the job's mine, when it's mine' 


End file.
